Joy in the little things

It seems like it has been a long time since I have really laughed. I laughed last year at a retreat with friends, Kaitlyn & Ariele. I truly was enjoying myself. Through out the rest of last year I found it hard to laugh...to truly laugh and enjoy life.
 I write almost every morning a few things to God in which I am thankful for. It is something I started so that I would not forget all God has given to me. When times are hard its easy to only see the negative things.
What can I say? It's been a hard year, moving to a place unknown...away from all we know. Plus the regular struggles in life, marriage and trying to maintain a healthy time with God. God is truly everything to me and spending time with Him DAILY is vital...and yet at times difficult. There have been times when I love coming to the feet of Jesus and loving Him and soaking in the love He has for me. Then there have been times out of discipline that I come before God and read His word.

Back to Joy....and laughter. This Christmas my husband, Tyler got me a kitty cat. I was shocked...he has a possible allergy and we already have a huge 170lb dog named, Penny. Well this kitten is 5 weeks old as of yesterday. He reminds me of those TY beeny babies! He is so small and cute. I was nervous about having one....time it needs, responsibility etc. However to my suprise I am absolutley taken by this Cat! I love him. I have named him, Baby. I know....cheesy but whatever! :) He looks like Toothless ( the dragon from the movie, "How to Train Your Dragon") . He makes me laugh all the time. I laugh and absolutley love him. I want want is best for him...like I make his food - nasty smelling, yes but it's god for him and he loves it. I woke up twice in the night thinking I heard him meowing for something ( he is still fairly young and needs to be taught things). I can only imagine what having a child would be like! Someday hopefully we can be parents but for now we find joy in our kitten. I truly am thankful for him...and have thanked God every day for "kitty" since he arrived.

December 25

This morning I was like a little kid...woke up at 4:30 to wake Tyler... It's Christmas! I remember as a child waking up all my sisters (who are younger) and waiting for mom & dad to get ready so we could all open presents. We always opened stockings first..then one by one we took turns. There is something special about unwrapping a gift.... I don't gift bags or gift cards... but opening a wrapped gift..it is just so much more fun!

So Tyler & I opened our gifts...he went to back to sleep, silly guy, and I called home...Living so far from home makes me appreciate my family more and more. I am more thankful for the small things.

At 9ish I woke up Tyler and we skyped his family..It was nice to see them. Tyler has a smile on his face and a joy in his voice when he talk's with them. This makes me happy.

We didn't do much after that...which I think is ok. We ate food and watched the grinch. I skyped my sister in Washington later. It was only for 15 minutes or so but how nice to see someone instead of just hearing their voice on the phone.

I think it's hard being away from family ...especially at the holiday's. This morning while Tyler was sleeping I had some time to sit and enjoy the silence..the lights were shining on the tree and all was still.
I closed my eye's and said, Thank You Lord I remember why we celebrate.

Christmas

Currently Frosty the Snowman is on....a tradition we do every year...watching all the Christmas specials. I sang Christmas carols at our Christmas Tea with ladies from bible study today. I have been wrapping gifts this week while the tree lights are on....listening to Christmas music. All the hustle and bustle of Christmas.
We have all the comforts of Christmas but this year (as like last year) my husband and I are thousands of miles away from our friends and family. For me being with family is one of the most special things about the holidays.
However being so far away I am reminded of why we even celebrate Christmas. It is found in Luke 2.

The angels come to the shepherds and say,


 “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people;for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. “This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”

Key word...YOU
For unto us.....each and everyone of us..... is given the gift of Jesus.

This Christmas I started an advent Calender...homemade...  preparing our hearts for Christmas.
Something that seems more difficult but yt the best thing to do is to turn off all media, put away the phone, shut the door and quietly come before our Savior. Sometimes we may have a lot to say and other times our hearts may e heavy with nothing to say....all this is ok. Coming before our Savior and loving Him, being with Him.... Know He is God.

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us).

His Ways are not my ways..

I have been very sick lately. Its been a humbling time for me. I was suppose to start a new job Monday the 18th (I believe) in October. However Sunday I was feelin awful and had a fever. I missed church and couldn't eat a thing..which is not like me. So I had Tyler take me to ER. I felt that was extreme but our insurance only covers ER or Air Force doctors...and everything on base was closed for the weekend. So what I thought would be a quick trip to ER ...sent home with an antibiotic.....became a week long experience. They found MRSA in blood. What is that? I am not totally sure to be honest. I just know its serious and needs to be treated or else you can die. So now I am home but I have a PICC line ...what is that? It is an IV that leads to my heart thru a vein in my arm. I am not totally sure how it works. I know I have to keep it very clean... I hook up to medicine 3 times a day for 2 hours.  I am extrememly tired. I haven't been able to do much and I have needed help...plus I have to wash my hair in the sink and be very careful when washing not to get my arm wet...However I am at my upmost thankfulness to God. Thru this time ( and I always hear how its when we are our lowest God works even more....which I think its just that we realize our need for HIM more) anyway thru this time prayers are being answered. I am at a peace with this...they are not answered in any way I ever expected. But isn't that the way our glorious God works? I am still recoverying ....it will be a long process I know.
Its near the holiday's and we are way from family and friends (being in the miltary) ...we have met some close friends here on base. I must say things are different than I ever thought my life would be..as a child I had any dreams and expectations. I never imagined the hard things or not getting what I wanted. Selfish, yes ....but as a child I just thought things were to be a certain way.
So this Thanksgiving I can truly say  I am thankful. I am thankful my ways are not God's ways. I am thankful for how God is faithful and how HIS peace is only a thing He gives.

Feelings

Two days ago I was flying high on a cloud and very content. I physically felt good and most importantly felt encouraged still from Sunday's message at church. Our Pastor talked on sowing and reaping. Of course the discouraging thing is sowing the things that are sinful and reaping those consequences. However I walked away encouraged to sow good things and see the the change of heart. I have seen this to be true in my life. I see God working in my life and its wonderful. How do I know God is working....because of the convictions in my heart and fear and awe of God.
Now yesterday I wans't feeling well. I had a horrible day to be honest. I was alone all day and felt as if I had no purpose. However I tried my best to not be crabby towards Tyler when he came home. Today I am okay. I am cleaning and trying to stay busy. I started my day like I try to everyday thanking God for different things and then sharing with Him my cares and concerns.
 Isn't is funny how maybe not much in our life has changed and yet each day is so different? This is why it is so vital to not act upon our feelings but what we know is true. The sun may not shine every day and I may not see it BUT I know its still there.

Filled

It has been one of those day where I feel like a nice cat would be nice to curl up with. I am overwhelmed with feelings of lonliness. I have been reading Colossians and what an encouragement that has been. It talks about being full in Christ. I have thought a lot of what that means and dwelling on it the past few days. I realize I have many needs. Many needs no human can ever meet. Tyler being my husband meets a lot of my needs but there are some things that he will and an never fill. I have a lot of thoughts. I think if someone read my mind through out the day they would think I was crazy....my mind travels quickly and thinks randomly. But there is One who is never overwhelmed by the depth and length of my needs. That is Christ. To be filled by Him daily. I am so thankful for prayer that I truly cannot even express it in words. Throughout today I have cried a few times and I have been so blessed to have Christ to share my heart with. I am so blessed with friends and family but there are times when my deepest thoughts are not meant to be shared with anyone but my Father. No matter what we say to Christ there is understanding and love. There is no judgment. I will say there are feelings I have that I know are selfish and worng and I want to talk about them but there is shame and when I come before God in humbleness there is no shame. I am open and honest and then I learn from Him in the stillness.

Today I read about how
God is the head of Christ = ONE GOD
Christ is the head of the Church = ONE BODY
Husband is the head of the wife = ONE FLESH

I am trying to learn what it is to be a woman of God. I never feel like I am a good wife or a good woman in general. I have a hard time matching things and wearing make up ...etc. I sometimes I feel I don't know where I belong. I feel bad at times for my husband because I feel I wish I was better at being a beautiful woman...a woman who reflects her God. Whe fears the Lord.
So I am doing bible study on this desiring to become more like the woman God created me to be. God intentionally made me a woman.

I have been gone for awhile in Michigan for my sisters wedding. What a fun time. I loved being with my family and seeing friends. I haven't seen some of my friends since graduating high school... eight years ago! Crazy how time goes by.

This weekend my husband and I are going to a family life weekend to remember. Its a retreat for married couples. I am so excited because this is really needed for us. We struggle just like any other couple. I hope it will be a life change for the both of us. I try to make Tyler know he is loves and respected but I am not sure I do a good job. At times I wish things were different or I wish I could change certain things but I can't. So I always ask myself, "Ashley, Are you believing God? " I trust my Father in Heaven that I am right where I need to be. I need to trust and obey. Trust and obey..for there is no other  way.