a chance to die

The point of this blog is really for myself. To write down my genuine thoughts and how God is working in my life. It is for me to be real. I wanted something to be accountable with. However I haven't written much. I am afraid to open up in exactly what I am learning and experiencing in life. Normlly I wake up and do my quiet time (reading and praying God's word)but lately its been mostly prayer. Life for me right now is hard but who in this world doesn't have difficulties?
Sunday afternoon my husband was gone with his friends and I decided to go for a short walk. I tried calling a sister of mine but there was no answer which prob was a good thing. I ended up pouring my heart out to God. I cried to God. I talked to God on exactly how I felt even if what I was feeling was absolutely sinful and wrong.
Currently my goal in life is to make it thru the day somewhat stable. Those New Year resolutions most people make, I did not. I am always striving to know my God more and desiring to become holy as He is but this is also such a disappointment in life as I am human and always sin. Yet it shows me my desperate need for a Saviour.
Today is the bible study for women on base. I chose to do "Believing God" ...kind of wish I would have chosen "Breaking Free". I wasn't going to go. I have been up all night (got into a fight with my husband). Which is a whole other blog in itself.... but I think it would be good to go.
This once again is a chance to die.

Yesterday I went to the bible study held here on the Air Force Base. I always look foward to these events but then I always get so nervous for some silly reason. I went and there were about 20-25 women. All who are in the military or retired from the military. It was the "kick off" for the new year. We had brunch and signed up for which bible study we would like to do during the next few months. The two we had to chose from were

1. Believing God, by Beth Moore
2. Breaking Free, by Beth Moore

I always have wanted to do Breaking Free because I feel there is so much in my life I wish I could break free from. But I began my day praying about which one to do. I ended up with Believing God. I figure if I truly believe all God has to say in His word I can break free and trust Him in all things.  Since moving here to AZ and not knowing anyone it was nice to have fellowship with other christian women. I am home a lot and at this time I am trying to enjoy this time but I have found myself getting ancy to do something. With one car between my husband and I makes it chalenging to do much but I do believe God knows and cares about my life. I constantly am thinking to myself how thankful I should be to still be alive and married.