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Tuesday, December 25, 2012

December 25

This morning I was like a little kid...woke up at 4:30 to wake Tyler... It's Christmas! I remember as a child waking up all my sisters (who are younger) and waiting for mom & dad to get ready so we could all open presents. We always opened stockings first..then one by one we took turns. There is something special about unwrapping a gift.... I don't gift bags or gift cards... but opening a wrapped is just so much more fun!

So Tyler & I opened our gifts...he went to back to sleep, silly guy, and I called home...Living so far from home makes me appreciate my family more and more. I am more thankful for the small things.

At 9ish I woke up Tyler and we skyped his family..It was nice to see them. Tyler has a smile on his face and a joy in his voice when he talk's with them. This makes me happy.

We didn't do much after that...which I think is ok. We ate food and watched the grinch. I skyped my sister in Washington later. It was only for 15 minutes or so but how nice to see someone instead of just hearing their voice on the phone.

I think it's hard being away from family ...especially at the holiday's. This morning while Tyler was sleeping I had some time to sit and enjoy the silence..the lights were shining on the tree and all was still.
I closed my eye's and said, Thank You Lord I remember why we celebrate.

Saturday, December 8, 2012


Currently Frosty the Snowman is on....a tradition we do every year...watching all the Christmas specials. I sang Christmas carols at our Christmas Tea with ladies from bible study today. I have been wrapping gifts this week while the tree lights are on....listening to Christmas music. All the hustle and bustle of Christmas.
We have all the comforts of Christmas but this year (as like last year) my husband and I are thousands of miles away from our friends and family. For me being with family is one of the most special things about the holidays.
However being so far away I am reminded of why we even celebrate Christmas. It is found in Luke 2.

The angels come to the shepherds and say,

 “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people;for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. “This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”

Key word...YOU
For unto us.....each and everyone of us..... is given the gift of Jesus.

This Christmas I started an advent Calender...homemade...  preparing our hearts for Christmas.
Something that seems more difficult but yt the best thing to do is to turn off all media, put away the phone, shut the door and quietly come before our Savior. Sometimes we may have a lot to say and other times our hearts may e heavy with nothing to say....all this is ok. Coming before our Savior and loving Him, being with Him.... Know He is God.

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us).

Monday, November 5, 2012

His Ways are not my ways..

I have been very sick lately. Its been a humbling time for me. I was suppose to start a new job Monday the 18th (I believe) in October. However Sunday I was feelin awful and had a fever. I missed church and couldn't eat a thing..which is not like me. So I had Tyler take me to ER. I felt that was extreme but our insurance only covers ER or Air Force doctors...and everything on base was closed for the weekend. So what I thought would be a quick trip to ER ...sent home with an antibiotic.....became a week long experience. They found MRSA in blood. What is that? I am not totally sure to be honest. I just know its serious and needs to be treated or else you can die. So now I am home but I have a PICC line ...what is that? It is an IV that leads to my heart thru a vein in my arm. I am not totally sure how it works. I know I have to keep it very clean... I hook up to medicine 3 times a day for 2 hours.  I am extrememly tired. I haven't been able to do much and I have needed I have to wash my hair in the sink and be very careful when washing not to get my arm wet...However I am at my upmost thankfulness to God. Thru this time ( and I always hear how its when we are our lowest God works even more....which I think its just that we realize our need for HIM more) anyway thru this time prayers are being answered. I am at a peace with this...they are not answered in any way I ever expected. But isn't that the way our glorious God works? I am still recoverying will be a long process I know.
Its near the holiday's and we are way from family and friends (being in the miltary) ...we have met some close friends here on base. I must say things are different than I ever thought my life would a child I had any dreams and expectations. I never imagined the hard things or not getting what I wanted. Selfish, yes ....but as a child I just thought things were to be a certain way.
So this Thanksgiving I can truly say  I am thankful. I am thankful my ways are not God's ways. I am thankful for how God is faithful and how HIS peace is only a thing He gives.

Friday, August 17, 2012


Two days ago I was flying high on a cloud and very content. I physically felt good and most importantly felt encouraged still from Sunday's message at church. Our Pastor talked on sowing and reaping. Of course the discouraging thing is sowing the things that are sinful and reaping those consequences. However I walked away encouraged to sow good things and see the the change of heart. I have seen this to be true in my life. I see God working in my life and its wonderful. How do I know God is working....because of the convictions in my heart and fear and awe of God.
Now yesterday I wans't feeling well. I had a horrible day to be honest. I was alone all day and felt as if I had no purpose. However I tried my best to not be crabby towards Tyler when he came home. Today I am okay. I am cleaning and trying to stay busy. I started my day like I try to everyday thanking God for different things and then sharing with Him my cares and concerns.
 Isn't is funny how maybe not much in our life has changed and yet each day is so different? This is why it is so vital to not act upon our feelings but what we know is true. The sun may not shine every day and I may not see it BUT I know its still there.

Saturday, August 11, 2012


It has been one of those day where I feel like a nice cat would be nice to curl up with. I am overwhelmed with feelings of lonliness. I have been reading Colossians and what an encouragement that has been. It talks about being full in Christ. I have thought a lot of what that means and dwelling on it the past few days. I realize I have many needs. Many needs no human can ever meet. Tyler being my husband meets a lot of my needs but there are some things that he will and an never fill. I have a lot of thoughts. I think if someone read my mind through out the day they would think I was mind travels quickly and thinks randomly. But there is One who is never overwhelmed by the depth and length of my needs. That is Christ. To be filled by Him daily. I am so thankful for prayer that I truly cannot even express it in words. Throughout today I have cried a few times and I have been so blessed to have Christ to share my heart with. I am so blessed with friends and family but there are times when my deepest thoughts are not meant to be shared with anyone but my Father. No matter what we say to Christ there is understanding and love. There is no judgment. I will say there are feelings I have that I know are selfish and worng and I want to talk about them but there is shame and when I come before God in humbleness there is no shame. I am open and honest and then I learn from Him in the stillness.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Today I read about how
God is the head of Christ = ONE GOD
Christ is the head of the Church = ONE BODY
Husband is the head of the wife = ONE FLESH

I am trying to learn what it is to be a woman of God. I never feel like I am a good wife or a good woman in general. I have a hard time matching things and wearing make up ...etc. I sometimes I feel I don't know where I belong. I feel bad at times for my husband because I feel I wish I was better at being a beautiful woman...a woman who reflects her God. Whe fears the Lord.
So I am doing bible study on this desiring to become more like the woman God created me to be. God intentionally made me a woman.

I have been gone for awhile in Michigan for my sisters wedding. What a fun time. I loved being with my family and seeing friends. I haven't seen some of my friends since graduating high school... eight years ago! Crazy how time goes by.

This weekend my husband and I are going to a family life weekend to remember. Its a retreat for married couples. I am so excited because this is really needed for us. We struggle just like any other couple. I hope it will be a life change for the both of us. I try to make Tyler know he is loves and respected but I am not sure I do a good job. At times I wish things were different or I wish I could change certain things but I can't. So I always ask myself, "Ashley, Are you believing God? " I trust my Father in Heaven that I am right where I need to be. I need to trust and obey. Trust and obey..for there is no other  way.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012


I have been encouraged this week because of hope. The most imporatant thing is that this hope is not in myself (which would just be discouraging) but in CHRIST. I have felt alone for awhile and very uncertain about things in my life. And as I have been haning on a thread of grace, I am reminded .Who holds the end of that thread!
I was so encouraged a few days ago as I received a letter from a close friend I haven't seen in a long time. She reminded me that its ok to feel the way I do and that God does have a purpose for me. I  had to stop reading this letter so I could cry and finish reading it later. I know these things in my head but to hear from someone else Truth about God was very dear to my heart.
I began a bible study here on the Air Force base. I have to force myself to go and everytime I am blessed. To be surrounded by other women who desire God is always good.
Also someone called me from Allied Buisiness schools to do medial assistanting that is funded by the military. This is encouraging.
Blesses be His name in the good and the bad. Can I say this is true for my life? Oh how I hope so.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

a chance to die

The point of this blog is really for myself. To write down my genuine thoughts and how God is working in my life. It is for me to be real. I wanted something to be accountable with. However I haven't written much. I am afraid to open up in exactly what I am learning and experiencing in life. Normlly I wake up and do my quiet time (reading and praying God's word)but lately its been mostly prayer. Life for me right now is hard but who in this world doesn't have difficulties?
Sunday afternoon my husband was gone with his friends and I decided to go for a short walk. I tried calling a sister of mine but there was no answer which prob was a good thing. I ended up pouring my heart out to God. I cried to God. I talked to God on exactly how I felt even if what I was feeling was absolutely sinful and wrong.
Currently my goal in life is to make it thru the day somewhat stable. Those New Year resolutions most people make, I did not. I am always striving to know my God more and desiring to become holy as He is but this is also such a disappointment in life as I am human and always sin. Yet it shows me my desperate need for a Saviour.
Today is the bible study for women on base. I chose to do "Believing God" ...kind of wish I would have chosen "Breaking Free". I wasn't going to go. I have been up all night (got into a fight with my husband). Which is a whole other blog in itself.... but I think it would be good to go.
This once again is a chance to die.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Yesterday I went to the bible study held here on the Air Force Base. I always look foward to these events but then I always get so nervous for some silly reason. I went and there were about 20-25 women. All who are in the military or retired from the military. It was the "kick off" for the new year. We had brunch and signed up for which bible study we would like to do during the next few months. The two we had to chose from were

1. Believing God, by Beth Moore
2. Breaking Free, by Beth Moore

I always have wanted to do Breaking Free because I feel there is so much in my life I wish I could break free from. But I began my day praying about which one to do. I ended up with Believing God. I figure if I truly believe all God has to say in His word I can break free and trust Him in all things.  Since moving here to AZ and not knowing anyone it was nice to have fellowship with other christian women. I am home a lot and at this time I am trying to enjoy this time but I have found myself getting ancy to do something. With one car between my husband and I makes it chalenging to do much but I do believe God knows and cares about my life. I constantly am thinking to myself how thankful I should be to still be alive and married.